When the Canvas Is Quiet: Gratitude vs. Accountability

28 May 2025, Wednesday

Hey there and hola!

There’s a quiet myth that if you’re overwhelmed or struggling, you must not be grateful. That grief, frustration, or exhaustion somehow mean you’ve lost perspective. But I don’t believe that’s true. Not for me, and not for many others who are learning to live with both heartache and hope.

Lately, I’ve been adapting to a reality I didn’t choose. The details aren’t the point. What matters is the sudden, disorienting shift that upended everything I had planned. It left me reaching for stability in a moment that was supposed to feel very different.

And still, I’m grateful. It may not always show, but that gratitude is real. It lives quietly beneath the mess and the commotion.

Grateful for safety. For the chance to reflect. For the ability to shape meaning out of experience. For the people who offered kindness just when I needed it. Gratitude lives in me, even now.

But gratitude isn’t a solution. It doesn’t soften the blow of being forced into a situation that shouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t silence the anger or ease the fatigue. And it doesn’t mean the harm or the chaos no longer matter.

What I’ve learned through grief, and through my creative work, is that truth is layered. You can be grateful and still unsettled. You can feel fortunate and still need to speak. These feelings are not in conflict. They are in conversation.

In past seasons of loss, I painted my way through the silence. My canvases gave form to what I could not yet name. Sorrow, memory, and resilience all found their place there.

But now, the studio is quiet and in a different place. The rental is cluttered with boxes, and the energy to create is waiting for room to return. I trust it will. The creative impulse may recede, but it never disappears. It is simply gathering strength.

So no, I haven’t lost sight of what I have. I’ve just also decided not to lose sight of what I’ve been through.

This is part of the work too.

Hasta pronto!